So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
