What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
