oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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