trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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