did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
