and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
