I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
