So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
