just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
