oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
