So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
