You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
