Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
