have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
