omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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