i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
