At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
