goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
