Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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