we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
