I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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