Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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