I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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