I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
