Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
