If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
