No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
