"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
