Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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