About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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