I'm really into asian looking animals
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
