Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
