The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it was like eating out sand paper
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
