just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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