I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
