If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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