I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
