one two three fourrrrnication!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
