At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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