So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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