the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
