I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We were destined to go to rehab together
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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