Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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