I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
