don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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