My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
