using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
