if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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