cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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