Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
