Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
