I wish I only lived at night.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
